Archive for July, 2008

R.I.P. Sammy. I’ll miss you brother.

Posted in This guy on July 29, 2008 by dkells

Today, my dog was put to sleep. It’s devastating and it stings, but I have to say I take solace in knowing that he is no longer in pain.

You see, Sam was an ex-racer who suffered from severe arthritis. The kind of arthritis that comes only from kicking way too much ass on the racetrack. A true competitor and a winner, Sam was a Kelly from the start. We adopted him and took him home, so he could say goodbye forever to a life in a cage.

As a retired man, he spent most of his days laying on pillows and staring at stuff. He liked giving people paws and playing funny games like, I-spy-your-dinner-and-now-I’m-going-to-eat-it. He was notoriously crafty. This adorable little thief was into cheap thrills, like forcing me to take him on cold walks, and then shitting on rich peoples’ lawns in front of them. He was a jokester and a charmer; the kind of guy who would look you in the eye and then fart, just to keep you on your toes.

Sam was a massive greyhound who would jump up on the bed to lay with you, then pull a Genghis Khan, and take over the entire bed. He wasn’t afraid to stretch out his wings. He was a sucker for tummy rubs, but had a creepy bald stomach which made things interesting. Sometimes he would burp through a closed mouth and measure my reaction. He was always thinking. Sometimes, I would imagine what his voice would sound like if he had one, deep down I knew it would sound something like Patrick Stewart’s.

There are so many things I’m going to miss about my guy: his tiger stripes, the way he used to lean on me when I’d pet him, the awkward look in his eye when he was mid-dump, the ceremonious neck scratches, the walks, the car rides, the howling fits, the bones, the bald stomach, the dangerous tail-wag after the word, “WALK,” the one-sided conversations, and most of all, the unconditional love of a friend.

In the end, Sammy was an enormous greyhound with an enormous heart; a true blessing who never once forgot that he’d been rescued.

I love you Sam, and I’ll miss you always.

Man babies.

Posted in funny shit on July 26, 2008 by dkells

What a premise, check out more here.

I give the best gifts.

Posted in funny shit on July 25, 2008 by dkells

Just ask Grandma.

Hey look.

Posted in funny shit on July 25, 2008 by dkells

Click here to watch.

Say it ain’t so Ross.

Posted in Ridiculous on July 23, 2008 by dkells

THIS JUST IN:

Rick Ross used to be police.

I know, I know. I don’t want to believe it either, but look at the pics. I know a Boss when I see one.

I don’t like it one bit, but here is the rundown: His real name is William Roberts, and supposedly he was a Florida Correctional Officer from 95-97. That’s 18 months of not being the thug I thought he was.

I’m flat out devastated. I was under the impression that he spent every second of his day hustlin’. You know, just flippin’ keys on the way to lunch. Apparently not.  Full story.

All I know is that the reputation of this bearded mass is at stake, and he needs to act. Give us a statement Ross. Convince us that you are merely a victim of Photoshop, and that this is all a pile of shit. (For my sake.)

We’ve been through quite a few mental journeys together Ricky; has it all been a lie?

Do somethin’

Posted in funny shit on July 21, 2008 by dkells


As creepy as they come.

Posted in Ridiculous on July 14, 2008 by dkells