Why?

This is clearly a ploy for attention.

And a pathetic one at that. “EEEEWWWWWW, look at me everyone. I’m totally walking a turtle right now.”

Yeah, you are; I can see that—you’re an asshole. One question Stupid, why the spandex? About to work up a sweat there? No. You’re not. You’re just an idiot.

The little guy on the leash, however, is a different story altogether. He’s great. And now that he’s officially out of the house, I’d like nothing more than to watch him flail about on his itty-bitty path of destruction. Rage on little one. I like you.

Sorry about that douche on the other side of the leash.

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