Heroes die. Legends live forever.

Billy_Mays_Shut_Your_Whore_Mouth

MJ was an icon, but this man, well, he was a true performer…

With manufactured enthusiasm and calculated hand movements, Billy Mays pitched his way into our hearts forever. All you’d ever have to do is flip through a few channels, and there he’d be. Waiting. With a freshly-dyed beard and an ‘exciting new product.’  He was a pitchman through and through. A pitchman who knew only one style—genius. The man was camera-ready in his sleep, and the only cue cards he ever needed resided in his head. (Second takes were just for fun). This hoss could hock stilts to a paraplegic and deflower a virgin with his musk alone. In short, the man was a pro.

Whenever I was feeling down, I knew I could always turn to Mays. He would place his giant thumb over my heart, and simply knead to activate.

To Billy Mays: the best there ever was.

4 Responses to “Heroes die. Legends live forever.”

  1. D.K. should know a pitchman when he sees one.

  2. R.I.P. the man the myth the legend “B-Mays stash” Billy you very loudly and abruptly beat your way into my heart with your sales pitches… pour out some oxy clean for our fallen soldier

  3. He’s still selling. Normally I would object a company using a dead person as a spokesperson, but I have a feeling Billy Mays wouldn’t mind as he was born to sell.

  4. Thank you for some other great article. Where else could
    anyone get that type of information in such an ideal method
    of writing? I’ve a presentation subsequent week, and I’m at the search for such
    info.

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